He Texted Me He Wanted a Divorce

Yes folks, you read that correctly. My husband of almost 28 years was sitting in another room when he texted me that he wanted a divorce.

And this is what it said (spelling and grammar mostly corrected by me):
"I am having [realtor friend, name redacted to protect the innocent] do a market analysis on the house to figure out what it's actually worth/what it would sell for in its current state. I am going to get divorce papers ready to be filed. Was hoping things might get better but apparently not. They are getting worse in my opinion. You keep pushing me away and I'm sure you think I'm pushing you away.
Doesn't matter, we are beyond fixing at this point. I would hope you would agree to just splitting everything 50/50. Will save us a lot of money. Neither one of use want to sell the house but neither one of us can afford to buy it ourselves. So for now we'll just keep it and you can live in it and pay the mortgage, or we can sell it. But my brother said he'd help me buy you out. So you can go buy your own house wherever you want to be."

Well, isn't that a fine how-do-you-do?! WTAF?!

Yeah, so it took me a minute to process this text. And then I walked into the other room and lost my mind on him.

(I'm gonna save you most of that exchange, because as you will come to find out, I'm pretty sure most of the reasons he gave for actually wanting a divorce will turn out to be lies).

Before I give you the highlights of his reasons, let me tell you that our marriage was at a low point. I am not gonna lie. We were both to blame. We were living apart (a situation he created). He stopped sleeping with me, we had only had sex once in the last four months, we were angry at each other. I know that he was setting me up to take the fall for our marriage failing, and that he was making me out to be the villain of the family. I had conversations with friends about this actual topic. But I was trying to keep the peace all this time. And getting my youngest to graduation, when it would be just the two of us again, without any distractions.

And then, my hope was, he and I would have time to BREATHE. And focus on us again as a couple. And re-commit and work on our relationship. And do all the things we needed to do to find our way back to loving each other again.

Back in September I confronted him about the state of our marriage. We were actually together in the same house, but we weren't really talking about anything that mattered. I was desperate for him to SEE me, and I sent him the following text in the middle of the night. (Okay, so I see how this is a theme in our communication).
"This isn't a marriage. You have to know that. You don't want to be with me. You obviously don't need me. Do you even love me anymore? I'm sure you're asleep so I'm not going to get any answers anyway. And I don't even know why I'm texting. What good could possibly come from me hitting send? But I'm angry and sad and I guess I just need you to tell me if I should stop wishing for things to be different."

And then the next morning, he came into my bed and he made love to me. And he gave me hope that we could find our way back to each other. 

Four months later, he texts me that he wants a divorce. 

And these are his main reasons (edited for space):

1) We are irretrievably broken. There is no point in trying to reconcile, going to counseling, making an effort because we cannot be fixed. He had hoped that things would be better but they just aren't.
2) He is so depressed that he cannot get off the couch and he just needs to make a change so that he can find himself and be happy again.
3) He is unhappy, and he doesn't know what can make him happy but he has to be alone to figure it out.
4) And in direct contradiction of #3, he cannot move on with his life as long as he is married to me.
5) If we can both agree to everything, we can do an uncontested divorce and get this processed in 60 days.

So many more things were said, by both of us. 

My initial response? SHOCK AND DEVASTATION. 

He broke my heart. Broke it. I can't imagine a world in which I will ever be okay. And I definitely cannot process my response to any of this right now so that will be tomorrow's post.